Volume 3, Issue 3.5
April 1, 2006

In late March, the Executive Vice President for CSU Electronic Communications issued a formal reprimand regarding the lack of professional content in the MIP Newsletter. We wish to formally apologize to any parties that we offended, as well as apologize for wasting your time reading our mindless drivel. We pledge in the future to focus on increased professional repartee of department personnel and events - as is only fitting for an elite group such as MIP.

The middle east Kingdom of Yoman recently selected our own Dr. Ian Orme for an honorary 'Knighthood of the Realm' Public Service Award for his efforts towards eradication of Tuberculosis, a disease which used to be endemic in this small nation. Posters reading:

were placed around the Kingdom to announce the event. Unfortunately however, the English-to-Yomanese translator made a terrible mistake and interpreted the posters to read:

.and caused a significant local panic, canceling the ceremony. We still wish to congratulate Ian on this near-honor and please don't hesitate to refer to him as Sir next time you see him.

Acting on a tip that 'there's a lot of craps going on in the Basaraba lab', CSU Police recently shut down one of the largest academic gambling operations in US history. During the raid, police found Randy 'If I Only Had a Pair' Basaraba seated at the lab poker table. Aside from the contraband pictured above, other items confiscated as evidence included a large number of Baccarats (which allegedly were being used as animal models), an NCAA tournament bracket sheet with the initials JW on top and Duke picked to win it all, and numerous notebooks full of dicey research.

MIP Publications April 1, 2006
  • Anderson J and R.K. Akkina. (2006) SCID marks - A brief report. J. of BVD Research, 13: 141-163.

  • Bosio, C.M., Avery, A.C. and S. W. Dow. (2006) Dendritic cells do freaking everything. J. Immunology 47: 132-144.

  • Aegypti, A., and A. Gambiae (2006) How to get human primates to alter our genetic make-up so we can take over the world. Insect Mol. Biol and Biochem., 17: 545-562.

  • Eisen, L. and R.J. Eisen (2006) Use of environmental geographical information systems and remote sensing data as early warning devices for detection of department head visits to the foothills campus. Journal of AIDL Research, 1: 1-5.

  • Pabilonia, K. (2006). Bird-brained people are more susceptible to avian flu - department administration at risk. J.Vet Med. Assoc. 17, 451-453.

  • FREAKONOMICS, by Richard Slayden and John T. Belisle. (Morrow, $25.95.) Two maverick scholars apply genomic thinking to everything from sumo wrestlers who cheat to legalized abortion and the falling crime rate.

In March, a paper survey was distributed via campus mail regarding the effectiveness of traditional versus electronic communications at CVMBS. Surprisingly, only 0.41% of the reply forms were received. Surface mail clearly has become an ineffective form of communication in MIP society. This observation, combined with the increased use of electronic communication and concern over deforestation, has led to an important MIP policy change. Therefore beginning April 1, paper correspondence received from the CSU post office will no longer be distributed into department mailboxes by MIP personnel. Instead, the mail will be left in the large container in which it was delivered. Should you be interested in receiving your mail, you will have to fish your own letters / magazines out of the white bin. Any unclaimed mail will be discarded on a daily basis. Please let the housekeeping / maintenance staff in your respective facility know if you regularly received cash or other valuables in the mail so that these can be specific targeted during trash removal.

The MIP Department Head recently obtained the Executive Version of the Mozilla Email Software package. This version contains a tracer attached to each email sent by Dr. Wilusz that sends him an alert every time an electronic message is sent from his account that is not read thoroughly by the recipient. The software also immediately puts the non-reading recipient onto Dr. Wilusz's Suspect Hindering Information Transfer List.

The following is a list of all of the suggestions that we have received for the new name for the CETT Building. Please vote for your favorite:

  • CAFF - Center for Accumulation of Federal Funds
  • BURP - Building for Under-Researched Pathogens
  • FLUD - Foothills Lab of Understudied Diseases
  • GATES - Going After Tons of External Support
  • NETT - submitted by the Assoc Dean for Research

Renovations to the outside of the CETT Building are nearly complete

Please be advised that new rules and regulations recently established by our college limit approved reimbursement for faculty candidate recruiting expenses only to meals eaten at the following local establishments:

  • Cheba Hut
  • Chuck E. Cheese
  • Country Buffet
  • Ever Open Cafe
  • Golden Corral
  • Hooter's
  • Pobre Pancho's
  • Waffle House

New DCard Purchasing Card

To complement the current ACard credit card purchasing system, effective April 1, 2006, MIP will adopt a new debit card which will be called the DCard. Since the new debit card links directly to the account information that you provided for Direct Deposit of your paycheck, purchases using your DCard will be much more streamlined. With the DCard, receipts for purchases are no longer required to be submitted to Department Reallocators. In addition, items such as alcohol, tobacco and firearms which are currently purchaso non grato on the ACard are perfectly fine on the DCard. See your facility coordinator for information on how to obtain a debit card.

Jon Carlson
Office Space Organization Consultant
Brooke Taylor
Captain of Cell Phone in Toilet Recovery Team
Mary Anna Thrall
Office Space Organization Consultant

"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. "
~Douglas Adams, Sci Fi writer

Where's Patrick and Barry Puzzle

Given their extensive travel schedules, Drs. Beaty and Brennan are very hard for MIP staff to find on any given day. Let's see if you can locate them for us in the photo below.

Click on Image to Enlarge

Grant News
NIH fully recognizes that there is currently a lot more good research in this country than can be effectively supported by its grants. NIH also recognizes that this research idea glut is in fact hurting the scientific/intellectual economy of the nation by driving down the value of a good idea. In order to address this problem, NIH has decided to adopt an approach used by the USDA to moderate the overall effect of overproduction on the national farm economy. Through farmland conservation subsidies, farmers are paid by the government not to cultivate their land. Therefore beginning July 1, NIH will start paying investigators NOT to do scientific research - in essence let their labs remain fallow - until the scientific funding situation picks up. If you wish to apply for this program, please contact your facility grant administrator for the necessary forms.

Do you have a photograph of either Ric Slayden or Paul Avery that would be suitable for use on their faculty webpage? If so, please provide it to the Department Office ASAP. The first person submitting a photograph of either Ric or Paul could win a free ticket to the 2006 MIP Holiday Party!

APRIL 2006

Mon Tue Wed Thur Fri
Faculty Seminar 4pm
Graduate Seminar 12-noon
Microscopy Seminar
6 7
Faculty Seminar 4pm
Graduate Seminar 12-noon
Microscopy Seminar
13 14
Faculty Seminar 4pm
Graduate Seminar 12-noon
Microscopy Seminar
20 21
Faculty Seminar 4pm
Graduate Seminar 12-noon
Microscopy Seminar
27 28

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MIP Newsletter Volume 3, Issue 3.5, April 1, 2006 MIP HomeCVMBS HomeCSU Home